nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
