I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
