good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
