I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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