So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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