Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize