i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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