They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
