Whats the glycemic index on semen?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
