Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
