Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
