I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
