Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
