and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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