Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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