so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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