she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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