I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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