That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
