Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
