Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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