So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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