apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
