I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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