After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
