Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
