I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
