If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
