It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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