I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
