We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
