I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
