We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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