It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
