end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
