He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
