We named our party play list daddy issues
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
