that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
