So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize