Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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