saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
