He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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