the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How's work?
Spinning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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