My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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