It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
did you just send me my own nude
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
