My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
