There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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