dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
