we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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