no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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