Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
