A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
