I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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