Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
