By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
