Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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