Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
