2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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