He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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