how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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