Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
