You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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