they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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