And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize