she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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