this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
