so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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