She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
