it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
