A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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