tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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