I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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